aspergers boyfriend

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Hello ,I am an N/T woman,I was dating a man with aspergers(he is officially diagnosed now).He won't accept his diagnosis though,has many addictions in general,I know that he is a nice person but he has strange behaviors..when we met he was in a relationship with another woman.He was wooing me like a maniac though,I was the one that was telling him all the time to back off and that I did not want trouble..at that point I did not have a clue about aspergers..I liked him but did not do anything.I started having bad behavior towards him cause he couldn't just back off..finally he did but when they broke up he came to me again..he was single,I was single,so we started seeing each other.The strange behavior was still there of course ,because he is acting normal ,never tells anyone that he does not understand things ,and people generally treat him badly..I am the only person who knows about AS,I told him when I found out (I did my search on the internet),he was denying it but when his addictions became a real problem in his life he went to a therapist who gave him the diagnosis..The reason that I stopped dating him was that although I was VERY CLEAR about things that annoyed me,he did not stop doing them..can anyone tell me why ?I never got him confused ,we always discuss about everything but he still keeps doing things that are unacceptable to me..Of course he never stopped calling me,asking to meet me etc..he says that he misses me and I want to ask you guys if that might be true or it is something he was told to say to girls in general...Our story has been going since 2011 ,but I really do not know what to do anymore..he says he does not want other girls,but can I believe what he says ?Any help would be very appreciated ..

You mentioned that he has multiple addictions almost like it was a side trait. In reality, addicts cannot form healthy relationships with other people because their primary relationship is with their addiction. This is true for people who are autistic as well as those who are not.

First thing is you and your feelings. You need to take care of you first. (This is true for every person.) No matter if he has aspergers or not, if his behaviors and addictions do not work for you to the point that you are making decisions to stay with him based on pity, that will not work. With time you will become resentful.

Second thing is, if at one point he was in a relationship with a woman and trying to date you and the same time, I would guess the same can happen to you. I think the saying is "A leopard doesn't change its spots."

Maybe, with time, he will want to learn about aspergers and see how it is effecting his life and relationships (The positive and negative sides). He will have to decide if he wants to make changes or adjustments to the parts that are preventing him from obtaining his goals in life.

I wish you and him the best

This doesn't sound like the behavior of a nice person.

MollyTroubletail,truth is that he becomes addicted with every single thing he likes..or obsessed ,I do not know what is the right word..things that has to do no matter what..and there are too many of them..everyone has addictions I know that,the problem is that he does not recognize them...for example he says that he is not an alcoholic but he drinks every day (he's been doing it for many years)..

NoGyroApproach..that is what I am afraid of..that the same is gonna happen to me...I can't trust him,he says that I am the only woman who completes him and doesn't have any reason of searching for other girls
but I don't know if this is true..
Thank you both

1df5e76..I believe he did not understand that he was doing something wrong...am I mistaken here? I would appreciate your answer,thank you..

Many of us would be well aware that what he did was wrong. Whether that was true in his case or not is hard to say based on what you've written here.

As for the things he does that are annoying and doesn't change, if he hasn't changed yet he probably won't. He may not understand why it is annoying or even admit that he's doing it or he might just not care. Again, there's no way to know really.

First of all, I think you are confusing the terms addiction, and obsession. Those are two different things.

Example:

Drinking, or getting drunk every day is an addiction.

Collecting beer bottles, learning everything there is to know about beer, and talking about it non-stop, is an obsession.

drinking every day isn't an addiction getting drunk would be. example most of the population has a beer after work every day.
addiction would be having a case of beer after work every day. I don't see the fun in drinking but lots of people find it relaxing.

to op what things does he do that you want him to stop?

Perhaps it's just not a good match for you both. Just because you are "very clear" about your annoyances doesn't automatically mean he should change his behavior to accommodate your wishes. I believe people are a package deal. He's not an unformed block to shape into your choosing.

MjrMajorMajor..I don't want to change him into something else,I liked his personality far too much,I would never date him if I didn't like him..he is the one who says that he would stop drinking/gambling etc in order to better his life,but he does not do what he says...that is why I am asking all of you you here..the case is that he always says things but does not do things,and I can't understand that..let's put it this way ..he has been coming to my life for the past 4 years ,saying that he wants me ,that I am the ''one in a million'' woman for him (his exact words) but I feel that he does not mean it..I am just trying to comprehend his mind ,thoughts,actions as much as I can..(I probably won't ..)

sly279..it's the drinking problem,the gambling,the fact that he is always sharing the wrong info about me,(for example:when I broke up with him he continued saying that we were still dating for months after the break up )also the fact that he says things but never does what he says ..he has been seeing a therapist ,but I do not see much progress..

SilverStar..yes I am really confusing the terms..maybe because he becomes obsessed with something and then that ''something'' becomes an addiction.....

1df5e76....he said to me that he asked a friend of his if it was wrong or not..so I understood that he really didn't realize what he was doing..

thank you for your answers guys

I think he needs to put his house in order before dating you or any other person for that matter. He needs to start doing it, not saying it if he truly wants a relationship as part of his life. He needs to start doing it because he chooses too. It will not work if he does it for you. His choices are his to make and your choices are yours. Have you been dating other people? Do you want to explore other relationship?

NoGyroApproach..I think I got it all together now after your post..you wrote:''He needs to start doing it because he chooses too. It will not work if he does it for you.''..there is what I have been searching for..it's exactly what you said ,it does not work because he's supposed to do it for me and not for his life in general..I have two questions if you 'd like to answer for me..firstly,is it possible that he's obsessed with me ?and because of the fact that he does not want/or cannot sustain a relatioship ,things between us have turned this way? and the second is :he has said to me that he forgets things all the time..that means that he could be forgetting important things like a break up for example?

About the dating thing you asked me,I haven't been dating other people since I met him ,I think it's because he does not leave me in peace,but I consider myself single..we broke up 9 months ago and he stills calls me ''my baby''..it is very confusing ,I needed to talk about this with people who know how aspergers works..