Switching to Shutdowns

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Okay, so here's the thing. I had been having tons of meltdowns and my family and doctors had enough of it and told me to stop. Now, for the past couple of weeks, I just lock myself in my room when upset and lay down or watch TV, completely quiet. I know I am having a series of shutdowns to hide the fact that I want to meltdown because my family has never heard of a shutdown and they think me being quiet means I'm "getting better" and "learning to deal with my emotions." Sometimes, people will ask if I'm okay during the shutdown if a traumatic thing has just happened (and they are expecting a meltdown) and I just lie and say that I'm fine and they believe me and don't ask again. I'm glad that they think I'm getting better (even if lazy) and I'm wondering if I should go through with telling my therapist about my shutdowns when I go there today or if keeping it secret will benefit me?

I think it depends on what type of people are there. If they're the type of people who want to get rid of all "autistic behaviors" I think you should keep it a secret. If they're the type of people that actually care about your well being I think you should tell them. By what I've read I think they just want to get rid of all your "autistic behavior" and make you easy to deal with.

Yeah, I kind of agree with that. I just told my mom and she didn't know what a shutdown was but said that she always knows I'm not OK even when I lie to her.

They should support you not berate you about your meltdowns. You should be who you are and you should not have to hide the truth.

Locking yourself up in your room may help but in the long run it will not help that much. All those tensions build up and when you have a meltdown, they will be much worse.

You're 18. If you're going to hide your shutdowns and lie about feeling better, your family is going to expect you to move out pretty soon and not need much help. If you don't feel ready to support yourself financially, DON'T LIE about your symptoms.

Good one! Listen to her!

Meltdowns are a neurological response to being overwhelmed either by emotions or by sensory stimuli. You can control them to a degree but you can't really stop them completely. If staying quiet and finding a way to settle yourself helps you I think it's good that you can do that. But you need to allow your body and your brain to reset. Sometimes if I need to meltdown I go a private place and let myself "explode" in a discreet way. I might scream into a pillow so that no one will hear or I might punch pillows so that nothing gets destroyed. But I think that trying to shove a meltdown away all the time could be dangerous and could have long term harmful affects.

If you are having a lot of meltdowns I think you should try to find out what is triggering them. Then you can try to temper your environment accordingly. If it's because of sensory overload you can try to turn off lights or stay in as quiet a place as you can. If it's because of other people, like sometimes when people talk too much too loudly I can get overloaded and meltdown, you can ask them to speak softly to you or to only speak to you when it is important or even to respect you if you ask them not to speak to you at all for a little bit. So I think that rather than just trying to stop the meltdown process, identifying what is triggering them and trying to change that would be better. And if you do need to meltdown, allow yourself to do it but in a discreet nondestructive way.

But if your parents and therapist are trying to eradicate Autistic behavior that is not fair to you. You may need to find another therapist. I guess you can't change your parents but I would invite them to come here to WP and become more educated on what it means to be Autistic.

I tend to have meltdowns more when people try to crush my hopes and dreams rather than from overstimulation. Although today I got overstimulated from a clogged toilet and needed to walk away from it for 5 minutes before I could attempt to plunge again.

I can understand that. First of all, the easiest way to unclog a toilet is to use Sulpheric Acid. You can get it at Home Depot or a store like that. But if you choose to use it be EXTREMELY CAREFUL and wear good strong gloves and safety glasses because the acid will burn your skin and damage your eyes if it splashes on you. It can make you blind if it hits your eyes. Also make sure you don't breathe it in. You also want ventilation like a bathroom fan or an open window. But if you are super careful Sulpheric Acid is God's gift to clogged drains. It will unclog any organic material within 20 to 30 minutes total and will not damage pipes. And the amount that you use to unclog a toilet will dilute enough that it should not cause environmental damage. Now if you have to unclog toilets all day every day then the amount you use will add up so you should use something else like a toilet snake. But unclogging a toilet once will not use enough to hurt anything. But I guess advertising Sulpheric Acid might not be a good idea either because than everyone might use it all the time and that would not be a good thing at all. So I guess start with a toilet snake or plunger and then if it is impossible to unclog the toilet, use the acid.

As far as people trying to crush your hopes and dreams causing you to meltdown, I can understand that. That might actually be an easy fix. Don't share your hopes and dreams with people that don't support them. Keep them written in a journal for yourself or share with with us instead or with people who will encourage you. And if your mom asks you about them just tell her that you don't wish to share them with her because you don't feel supported.

Last edited by skibum on 28 Jul 2014, 1:45 pm, edited 2 times in total.

my hopes/dreams have also been crushed here lol.

Oh no, that's not good. Hopefully they were good hopes and dreams and not anything like wanting to rule the world or something. But if they are good and wholesome, then people should be able to support you.

Eh, the thing is that I hope to be famous at writing or acting (probably writing) and I've never had any other goals. I haven't had luck being published yet but I did get a full manuscript request. I sent it a week or two ago and have my fingers crossed but who knows.

Hope they react. It can take several months for some to react.

thanks

What kind of writing do you work one? I enjoy coming up with drama things.

A full manuscript request, WOW! That is huge. Congratulations. You are well on your way. I hope you will succeed with that. But be patient. It may take several tries to reach your goals. But there is absolutely no reason why anyone should shoot that down and I can't imagine why anyone would. So if people do discourage you I would just think of them as ridiculous and just keep at it. You'll make it if you keep trying. And when you do make it if those same people who discouraged you all of a sudden have a change of heart and say that you owe them, you can just politely hold your hand up and say, "Talk to the hand and read between the lines!"