Inability To Move On

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About 3 months ago I got cheated on by my ex GF. She was the ONLY gf I have ever had and I'm 21 Y/O. She didn't even have the guts to tell me she cheated on me. She made up some lame excuse that she didn't "feel" the same way about me anymore, but I already knew what was up. I managed to contact the guy she was with who instantly developed some sort of hatred for me. I never said one bad thing to him all I did was ask him if he was dating MY gf and he said yes. After this I stayed in contact with my ex for 1 month until she moved to college and blocked communications with me. She told me she wanted all communication with me to stop (I know this was her BF idea bcuz he had her delete me off Instagram and Snapchat). So anyways I pretty much flipped emotionally bcuz she was my best friend and really the only girl I was friends with. It was really hard trying to deal with losing my girl friend and my best friend, but I TRIED to move on.

For the past month I've been on Tinder which is supposedly this great app to meet local ppl. What I can't seem to comprehend is how a girl can say "I don't want hookups, I'm looking for a nice genuine guy" and then when you msg them they either ignore you or seem COMPLETELY uninterested. You have to BOTH like each others profile to even send a msg, so it's not like I'm getting rejected for my looks. I'm CONSTANTLY getting rejected. It's absolutely ridiculous. I can get their #s fairly easy, but after that I can nvr setup a date or a meetup. I've tried talking to them more b4 meeting them and they just get uninterested and ignore me. I've tried setting it up ASAP and they act like I'm moving to fast. None of it makes ANY sense to me. I've even had girls say "Well you will have to meet me then " just like that and then somehow two days later I'm blocked......It's so frustrating bcuz the only reason I even got a GF is bcuz I got hooked up with her through a friend. I've never been able to get a girl by myself because I've never really tried. It's one thing to lose your GF, but to lose your best friend who was your GF is awful! I would be enthralled if a girl put me in the friend zone! I can't even get to that point! I want to make new connections and try to expand, but it seems nearly impossible. I found a hobby to invest my time in which is lifting weights, but there's only so much time I can spend with all that. Does anyone have any advice or sites that have NORMAL functioning ppl? I want a nice normal girl who's not materialistic or fake. If it's this hard trying to converse on a site I can't even imagine how hard it would be to converse with a girl when you're socially abstract! Have mercy! I can't even get on the field to play the game lol. Also, for those of you who have used Tinder i know it's more for hookups than for dating, but most girls on there are not cool with the hookup idea. I'm more into meeting new ppl or finding someone I can be with. If anyone has ANY advice on how to use the Tinder app feel free to inform me because evidently I'm doing it all wrong.......

do not put people upon a pedestal which makes you miss their esteem to this extent. nobody is more than human, humans are much more alike than different, and ones who treat you badly deserve nothing from you, you should put this other person in the "didn't work out" box and move on. forget this person.

What sounds better " I want a GF." or "I need a GF."

now

Who is responsible for your happiness?

That was very mean what she did. First GF at 21, congrats. You got your hands dirty.

I like companionship, I like the fun that I had. It's the break down process and when the intimacy stopped is what hurts.

The rejection hurts from new prospects. I am not good at using words or acting smooth and confident getting rejected. Say nothing, don't argue why and try to change her mind. I know...you want to fight. I do it all the time....and then I got my first girl at 36. Fighting and trying to convince a girl to stay with me did not work.

One day, you will reach zen! You will say "Im going to ask this girl out and if she says no, at least I know and laugh a little that I had feelings for her" "I am going to take her on a date and speak my mind and lay out my honest intentions." "Today I DGAF and goto a strip club!"

Now you are in pain, but when you start not giving a F about the past and rejection. You will be unstoppable.

Took me months to reach this point. Friend (yes singular) and therapy got me out. When you reach that confidence, who knows the EX is going to see that she made a mistake...mine is and I want her back....I do not need her back. Understand? Go out there and have fun with women with no expectations and treat them as you buddy and set a boundary for them that you are not....not ...not friend zone material.

Tinder is absolutely a HORRIBLE way to meet women. That site is very widely regarded as a hub for superficial hookups. People of both genders treat each other as expendable and only use it as a means to see who can boost their ego or unzip their pants for them. The girls who say "I'm not interested in hookups" are really saying they don't want penis pictures or "sup, hookup?" as a first message. No matter how you look at it, absolutely nobody is using tinder to meet their future husband/wife, I guarantee you this. OKcupid is probably the best bet IF you feel you need to resort to online dating, but the community still sucks.

I'm sorry it had to end so poorly. I had the exact same thing happen to me. The best advice I can give you is to remember who your real friends are, friends I've known my whole life would never stab me in the back like that. Next time that happens, don't bother talking to her new boyfriend (he'll hate you just for being you) and don't try to act apologetic, just let her go. If she values you so little to treat you like that there is obviously something very flawed about her character. I don't know how you could call someone who clearly never respected you your "best friend" either. I wish I had known this beforehand, the signs that she never cared were obvious, but I chose to ignore them because I was too infatuated over her.

Stay positive though, don't allow past bad experiences to block future good ones. Don't EVER rush anything because of your deep desire to have a relationship. Be patient, be confident (as confident as you can, just in the least, don't act apologetic and don't request consistent validation) that's the best you can do for yourself.