asperger and dealing with conflict

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do you find conflicts with people such as an argument and demanding quiet from noisy neighbors difficult? do you feel as if someone else always end up having the upper hand? do you try hard to avoid conflict?

I never know what to say, and I have to struggle real hard not to let people walk all over me. I dont really know how the stop them. I just dont know the way.

I hate drama or conflict of any sort and usually slink away from any of it. But when my neighbour was playing her music way too loud, I went over knocked on her door and asked "how come you didn't invite me to your party?" Turned out she was only cleaning to her music and she happily turned it down because I started with a cute joke.

I avoid it if possible, but I don't feel like I have a problem with it. I convinced an instructor to change the grading on a quiz once and got an extra point that left me with an A instead of a B.

I hate conflict and avoid it. It's very hard to confront someone.

I did not know how to answer your poll.

I tend to avoid conflict with people I value as human beings. I cannot stand discord in my environment and or my mind and as a result, often end up being walked on to avoid potentially causing some kind of upset. I rarely even know if I am in the right or wrong in these situations anyway. I suck at gauging that sort of thing. Even if I truly believe that I am in the right, I still have no idea how to go about having a talk with whoever. Thinking about the potential upset it could cause is enough to make me hide for a few days.

That said...

Other times I just blow up. I have been known to go ballistic on people, going from zero to one thousand in less than a second. At that point I win due to me being a psycho. Apparently I can be a bit scary and intimidating.

It would be nice to be able to handle conflict in a productive and assertive way while still being a sane and rational person. I never have figured out how people do that.

Conflict is terrifying.

My emotions build up in me so fast. I get very "hot" physically, partly due to the energy needed to contain myself. It doesn't matter what the emotion is - could be nerves, embarrassment, angry, etc.

I try to avoid conflict because I don't want to "lose it" in any way, either by crying or yelling.

With most people, I don't find it worth it to risk expressing what's bothering me.

I am trying to stop avoiding conflicts because I know the damage it has done. Not an easy thing to do.

A few weeks ago my parents' neighbor (who thinks they did something to them (but didn't) that cost them a lot of money) was getting aggressive with my 75 y.o. mother in her driveway. (This is after weeks of other escalating crap.)

When she came in and told me that I basically blew a gasket. With the help of various psych meds I actually managed a half-decent, loud, profanity-laced verbal exchange that I think scared the guy even worse than I realized at the time. I can lock eye contact if I'm extremely angry and I'm a lot bigger than he is, which probably also helped. There might've been a little flashing back, as well. It's interesting being on the scary rather than scared side for once. I almost feel bad, but I know from experience not to give an inch. It's sad, but power is the only thing people really respect.

This is totally the exception, though. Like Willard said, slow verbal processing and a lack of social capital means being on the losing end of such things most of the time, at least IME.

And, I hate conflict and fighting. People can be such jerks, though. They'll use that like a weapon against you. Accumulated rage seems to make up for it a bit, though.

there are a few people who have upon seeing me take an instant and visceral dislike of me, and let me know it in no uncertain terms, and I just am like a deer in the headlights in those situations. that is why I'm a hermit.

I avoid them. But if I got myself into it, that varies. If accidentally, I will ditch it because it has nothing to do with me. If it's really a problem that I got myself into, I would deal with it with reason. If reason doesn't work, I will leave them.

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I like to argue and never avoided conflicts. Most of the time I don't hold strong opinions, but would argue just for its sake. Although once I find out the person I argue with is totally unreasonable I usually just walk away. They tend to repeat over and over whatever they said already which didn't make sense and hold onto their views.

My parents and brother and a couple of my friends are all argumentive. So it's either genetic or I'm just well practiced. My parents are the toughest hagglers I know and have achieve things when all odds are against them. My brother and I have no common interest, so all the "good times" with him involve arguing, teasing and just laughing at each other. I rarely get angry or emotional during conflicts, which means I can keep going for a long time, though if the other party seems close to "losing it" I back away and let them calm down. I don't ever swear so that helps with not ticking people off too quickly. It's really just like normal communications, stay cool and polite and reasonable, and your chance of winning the argument is quite good.