Why do people engage in fornication before marriage?

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I'm confused as to why people copulate if they aren't husband and wife. More importantly, why do people do that if they don't want children? I believe sex is disgusting and for procreation purposes only. I don't see the point in just having sex if you do not intend to reproduce. Why bother? I think that marriage is a contract so that we could procreate in the eyes of God and so that we can produce children. What do people get out of sleeping with someone for any other reason? It is bizarre to me. It disgusts me that people want to have sex and aren't married. How pervasive is this in today's society?

I guess because they enjoy it.

They don't find it disgusting. They find it pleasurable.

Each individual person is different from other individual people.

Yeah, just because you have some kind of sex phobia doesn't mean everyone else does. And not everyone else is a member of your religion either. Why shouldn't people fornicate outside of marriage?

Besides, thanks to modern understanding of reproduction, you don't have to have sex to have children. So if you think any other reason for sex is wrong, shouldn't you just never have sex at all?

Because sex is physically pleasurable, emotionally gratifying, and a great mental diversion - in other words, because sex is fun!Because sex is fun!Because sex is fun!Depending on the source of data, roughly 70% of all single people have had full, unprotected sexual intercourse by the age of 18.

Sex is fun!

You should try it sometime ...

Last edited by Fnord on 28 May 2015, 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Many people don't share the same religious beliefs, and many people find sex pleasurable, without any feelings of nagging Jesus guilt. I am aware that some people on the spectrum don't enjoy touch or being touched so I can understand where you're coming from, if that's the case... but otherwise yes I would avoid sex entirely if I were you and just don't expect many people (or most people) to share your views regarding it. I personally think sinful fornication without procreation is the bees knees!

Well, these days (with in vitro fertilization) you don't need to have sex to have babies.

Because if I waited til marriage I'd never have sex, as I do not intend to ever marry (or have kids). And, as said and bolded multiple times above, sex is fun!

Maybe not for you, that's fine, don't do it then. I understand that, even if it's not how I feel.

First, let me preface this by saying I'm an evangelical, conservative Christian who holds to a predominantly literal interpretation of scripture. I'm well aware that my views on marriage are unique and not shared by many WPers. Where I tend to depart from others holding similar views is where societal demands (in a largely Christian society) conflict with Christian teachings on sexual purity. So if you care to know my opinion on this, keep in mind that I'm presenting this through the lens of someone who tries to implement scriptural teachings as thoroughly as possible in daily life and who feels strongly that we've wronged our teenagers by failing to support them through their walk of faith. I'm extremely passionate about this. If you don't feel like reading a long post, I'll understand.

Heh…easy answer. I'll get to that later.


Same reason.


It is. Agree.


Wrong.


It's a natural urge. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever.


Yeah… But… Here's the thing: Marriage IS a contract. But contracts are made with certain terms being understood by both parties and/or families of both parties. It's a joining together of FAMILIES, which people in this day and age seem to miss. So, being a contract, you have to treat it as such.

So what IS a contract? People often don't really know what contracts are or what they do. All a contract does is show how two decent people are going to act in a working relationship. That's all. It's only as good as BOTH parties. If one party to a contract is acting deceitfully, the contract is ultimately unenforceable. And what you're left with if you're being honest and the other person is not is your own means to enforce the contract. If you possess a lot of money and a legal team, you can really put the screws to someone who has no intention of abiding by the contract. You can ruin them forever if you want to. However, if you're the underdog in this scenario and someone wants to break a contract, you end up bankrupting yourself when holding the other person accountable means you're not really going to recover that much.

Which is why it's so important to know the person you're dealing with when negotiating. The contract lays out WHAT you're going to do, WHAT the other party is going to do, the compensation for goods and services, and under what circumstances one or both of you may be released from the contract should it end up being a bad deal. Contracts work to maintain a friendly relationship EVEN IF that contract has to be broken.

Apply same to marriage. Marriage is supposed to be a contract for life only broken when one of those parties dies. It is understood that both parties are protected should one act contrary to the marriage agreement--mainly in breaking fidelity through adultery, though usually this includes things like cruelty, abandonment, impotence, insanity, etc. In our society, we also have the BS of NFD/irreconcilable differences, which translates to "I know you're cheating on me, and I just want out. We can pretend the other stuff never happened, but let's please just get this over with." Not always the case, of course, but I believe someone is ALWAYS at fault and there are no such things as irreconcilable differences. I firmly believe that one should protect the integrity of marriage at all costs and divorce is only an option when things happen in the relationship that are catastrophically wrong. For me, that would mean my wife was cheating on me, had another man's baby, and insisted we keep the baby--which would also mean that as another man's child, the other guy would have the right to regularly intrude on our relationship. I can't have that. It's either the child or me…and given how strong the maternal instinct is, I'm sure I already know how it's going down. Sure, I'd file papers, and I'd sue for all marital possessions and even for child support for the kids we already have. And if she left me and filed NFD, I'd bury her in paperwork until we could work things out…and if that doesn't work, I'd just wait until she screwed up and file a contested divorce for grounds. That might seem patriarchal and anti-egalitarian, but I will not be bullied by that crap. This is not something to be played with or approached casually.

The point being the marriage contract protects you from abuse and gives you certain recourse. And this is with the understanding that all parties involved understand WHY they're getting into this contract. It might be financial. It might be because one partner offers protection of the other. It might be for physical intimacy and making lots of babies. Could be for any number of reasons--none of which are necessarily bad reasons UNLESS those involved aren't on the same page. I expect certain things from my partner, and we made sure we both agreed that we mutually expected those things of each other and that we would be able to fulfill those expectations in the long term. We've hit our share of rough patches, but we have an awesome relationship. We understand each other. So the marriage contract is not a problem.



OK…so let me really answer this and your first couple of questions.

The thing is that men and women were made to have sex with each other and to desire physical intimacy for both the pleasurable part of it and the procreative aspect. Yes, it's gross. There are nasty fluids involved--and heaven help women who have all the drippage to deal with afterwards.

The problem with sex outside of marriage has to do with the fact that our bodies crave it early on in life. We really do need that physical intimacy and the feelings that go with it, not to mention the fact that bearing children earlier in life gives you so much more time to really enjoy your children. In ancient times, it was nothing for girls in their early teens to get married and start having babies. Also, the experience is much more pleasurable when you're younger and you're just giving in to the rush of hormones at that stage of development.

What has happened is that, for whatever reasons, and many of them GOOD reasons, we've come up with a lot of silly ideas. For example--14 year olds are too stupid to give consent for sex. Give me a freakin' break… Also, priorities have shifted to place an unhealthy high priority on education and career-building. I'm not saying those things aren't important. But when moral/religious teachings DEMAND you wait for marriage, and when society DEMANDS you finish school and gain job security, it's a wonder more of us aren't 40-year-old virgins.

The whole thing is backwards. What you SHOULD do is begin learning some sort of trade from an early age and focus your education towards being the best at what you're naturally good at. Your latter teenage years need to be focused on securing a steady income and getting on track for promotions and raises. Towards the end of this, you should be getting married and starting your family. Then you make decisions how to continue work training or education, and you move forward together AS A FAMILY. You should also have the support of BOTH your families so you'll have a solid foundation for raising your own kids and not making it a whole bunch of guesswork. In your early 20's, you should be exploring whether you want to work within your multi-generational family or if you want to maintain an independent household. Move around, find the best opportunities, and eventually settle down somewhere.

But do we allow people to have jobs and families when they're ready? No. We make them sit out the best years of their lives. It's a travesty. And you want to know why kids from strong Christian families are behaving immorally? It has nothing to do with religion, because Christianity does not teach what we do in society. Our society just made that up and tried to force it to fit a Christian mold. It is wrong to preach sexual purity only to turn around and punish them for feeling natural urges for pleasure and procreation. I don't blame individuals for feeling that way. I blame the society that makes unreasonable, conflicting demands of them.

And that's the answer to your question. People have sex outside marriage largely because they feel they can't help it. They feel they've been abandoned, that adults don't understand them and don't care. They're just doing what is natural, all the while grownups scream "wait until marriage" only to refuse to allow them to marry. Explain to me how that's fair?

Note that NONE of this excuses immoral behavior. NONE of this invalidates calls for sexual purity. I agree with Christian teachings on these 100%. But if we are going to be Christlike about this, we have to "remove the beam" from our eyes and be FAIR judges. We cannot expect teens and young adults to live sexually pure, moral lives when we ourselves are guilty of making this impossibly difficult for them.

Incidentally…you noticed I mentioned I hold to a predominantly literal interpretation, right? Read Old Testament laws about sex and marriage very, VERY carefully. You should notice that not even the OT writer (I'm assuming Moses) condemns premarital sex. It just says that a sexually active couple SHOULD get married. Moreover, two people engaged to each other who have sex before marriage simply forfeit their right to a legal divorce. This is important because she's unable to prove she's a virgin and guarantee that her children are her husband's. The law would demand that her husband take her as she is, and because he's fully aware that she is impure, it's unjust for him to take her to court and have her put to death for adultery when he's the one who took her virginity. Similarly, there'd be no legal proof had she been with another man if her husband loves her and doesn't care about her past. Same thing with arranged marriages: The would-be husband COULD put her feelings first and let her out of the marriage contract without anyone knowing about it and she could marry who she wanted.

The point being that the Bible is very clear on when and for what purposes sexual purity is important. If the Bible ranks sin in terms of severity, premarital sex is far from the top of the list.

"Why do people engage in fornication before marriage?"

Same reason they masturbate; because it feels good. Do you really need any other reason?

Pleasure. Simple as that.

People have been doing each other for pleasure & procreation for FAR longer than the manmade concept of marriage has existed. Further, marriage is not a God porn contract created so God can watch people F. Marriage was created to convey property rights & assets to the widows of deceased men so that others couldn't claim their subsistence farming plot of land as their own.

Well you may believe sex is disgusting and for pro-creation purposes, but biology more often than not makes it quite the contrary...its a highly pleasurable activity for most humans, hence there is a concept of sex for enjoyment rather than pro-creation so if its possible to have this highly enjoyable experience without having children as not everyone who is sexually active is in any position to have children. The point of having it for non-procreation purposes is enjoyment....though if you don't enjoy it than there really would be no reason to bother unless to have children if you so desire.

Also not everybody follows your particular branch of christianity/spirituality or whatever you call it....not all beliefs/religions regard sex that way. Once again pleasure is what they get from sleeping with someone with no intention of procreating. And then some couples believe having sex or other intimate contact before taking steps like moving in together or getting married...helps them create the important bond/connection needed to go further. I say if one doesn't want to have sex for pleasure that is their choice, but that choice should not be pushed on others. And it is very pervasive in society.

Yes but that is likely seen as very unholy behavior....I mean it unnatural to undergo pregnancy without it resulting from sex after all. With some of these religious beliefs you just can't win, damned if you do and damned if you don't. That has got to be a stressful way to live and would explain why many religious people are quite uptight.

Not all of us are bound by the constructs of religion or marriage, sex is a healthy and natural activity when practiced under safe conditions. The chances or circumstances for marriage aren't always present, sometimes sex is a means to elevate one another in a moment. It doesn't always have to be a long term commitment or obligation to the other person.

Conservative Christians have the highest divorce rate in the United States. You can not get a sense of sexual compatibility with someone else if you repress your desires, that's why Christians marriages are falling like flies.

On that note, I find this thread extremely offensive to women that don't want to reproduce..

To the original poster, shouldn't they be allowed to enjoy a healthy sex life? Why should value be based on their ability to reproduce? Get a grip and realize not everyone shares your agenda or views.