*deep breath* Here we go...
If i were to start dating or anything I don't have a clue how to even start. I'm currently housebound with cellulitis - so this is for once that is healed up and I'm out there.
I am 43, always been single, chaste Baptist Christian, still a virgin. Always the brother, never the boyfriend.
Diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome in 1987 - one of the first to be diagnosed here in the UK, as Hans Asperger's paperwork was only translated from the original German in 1985. The team that diagnosed me may remind you of some names - Michael Rutter, Uta Frith, Isabel Hainault, Lorna Wing etc etc...
I spent the 90s as a research subject for all the studies that have led to better early support for today's Aspies. Head in MRI and FPET scanners, didd all those batteries of tests they now use to run all the early-intervention stuff that happens now...
Due to the autism, my libido didn't boot up until about 18-19, only fully up and running at age 26.
I was the victim of low-level sexual abuse by female peers at chronological ages 13-18 - as I was functionally presexual at the time, the effect was as if I was 8 at the time. Completely derailed my sexual development. Caused me to massively gain weight due to traumatic eating cycle set up - I am currently 42 stone. Add in the AIDS scare that was running at full strength (remember the John Hurt iceberg ads etc?), this probably cued in with my natural Aspie nature as "prey species" to quote Temple Grandin.
The weight is slowly coming down..
I'd like to know - is there any hope for me even starting out? Or am i fundamentally broken from the abuse?
I'd like to maybe have the opportunity to experience all the areas like a good relationship, good sex etc that I see younger Aspies experiencing... would be a shame if, like an ASD Moses, I walked point for them - and then die without experiencing any of what I enabled for others for myself. Trailblazing is lonely work.
I plan to link back in with psychosexual therapy to deal with that perfect storm block that seems to be the root.. the cognitive dissonance set up in 1984 by abuse, Dworkin et al screaming at me that although I was a victim I was a "rapist", AND the AIDS scare running full steam.
One possible lead would be ICASA - psychosexual and sexual-surrogate therapy...
But if I did go out there - I wouldn't even know where to start. And with me possibly pushing 50 once the weight comes off, gastric surgery, surgery to lose the excess skin, psychosexual therapy... is it feasible? Or would ti be the case of resort to the sex industry - maybe through the TLC Trust or similar?