How did you deal with your diagnosis?

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Female, age 30, never suspected I was on the autistic spectrum. I thought Aspies lack emotions and empathy, both of which I have a LOT of. Too much, sometimes.

But it is emotional empathy that I have. Crying for the plight of victims of any kind of injustice etc. Learning that aspies do not lack (emotional) empathy or strong feelings but they actually lack a theory of mind, - this made me a bit curious to see whether I fitted the bill.

I didn't expect to, but I totally did. Am in the process of being officially diagnosed, meanwhile my Aspie scores on the online tests are pretty sky high.

I am in shock. This explains...everything. I never expected this. I had all sorts of theories on why I was so different from others, always: gifted child, introverted, artistic, - and then as an adult I've blamed a lot of my quirks and weirdness on having been bullied at school for 6 years.

I was quite a recluse, and only had a few close friends, some of whom, upon closer inspection, actually took advantage of me and my loyalty to them - I was surprised to find this is also common for Aspies!

The other close relationships I've had over the years (not many) have been with people whom I now finally understand to also be on the spectrum - this is why we got along so well. For a time, anyway. I needed emotional support but my Aspie lovers were not able to give it to me, and I had no idea what was wrong with me - I was then diagnosed with depression and put on meds, so I assumed that was my problem.

Met a man some 6 years ago whom I have now married, he is 100% emotionally supportive and probably the opposite of an Aspie with regards to social intelligence and skills.

He has learned to live with me over the years, and very affectionately pointed out many of my quirks - I didn't really know what was normal or not, after all, I have only ever been one person, ie me, in this lifetime! He has helped me understand I get obsessed with one topic at a time and read everything I can on the subject... We thought this was a symptom of bipolar but somehow it never felt totally satisfactory. I have very unusual ideas but because I have always been brilliant academically, I now realise that my unusual ideas have been labelled by myself and others as 'interesting, out of the box thinking' rather than symptoms of any kind.

I could go on and on on all the puzzling things about life that finally seem to make sense in the context of being an Aspie - although I am new to the realisation (2 weeks), so finding it a bit hard to cope with this task that is the complete and total re-evaluation of my life. Basically, I would love to hear how others have learned about their diagnosis and felt after learning it, and how has it changed your lives. Especially females. You see, I never suspected I was an Aspie, because I was not obsessed with coding or role play or that kind of stuff. Upon reading that female aspies often mask their symptoms because they appear more normal, this makes sense. I have been obsessed with certain types of pets; certain bands; certain artistic activities; and different informational topics at a time. Only this autumn I have already covered topics like Peak Oil and shamanism upon sudden and all-consuming interest. I didn't have internet growing up, so I had no access to the wealth of information out there, so my interests back then were more confined with obsessive diary writing and art making, followed by periods of not literally doing anything except hanging out by myself in coffee shops chain smoking, occasionally showing up for school, which I got away with because I always got top marks on tests due to reading the course book the night before the exam. School was a joke, and I was at an academically prestigious school; again, I later on thought of myself as having been 'gifted' which may be the case but I now see that my giftedness is just a small part of the bigger puzzle that is...having Aspergers!

Would love to hear from anyone's experiences, male or female. Although I am especially interested in that of females, due to the fact that apparently females commonly go undiagnosed. I certainly NEVER in a million years expected myself to be an Aspie - but then, I had no idea what being an Aspie meant; and I am only just starting to learn. Hopefully.

Once I received my official diagnosis, I felt relief and joy at the confirmation that I was not mentally ret*d, emotionally disturbed, or just imagining negative reactions from others that I had tried to befriend.

It's been about five years since, and people have remarked on the (mostly positive) changes in my behavior; telling me that I have finally "grown up", when I have actually just found new ways to compensate for my "Aspieness" (actually, PDD-NOS since the re-evaluation under DSM-V).

My only regret is that I this could have / should have happened 45 years ago ...

One issue I had to deal with was internalised prejudice.

I wanted the diagnosis, but felt somewhat depressed once I was diagnosed: am I "broken", "disordered", "wrong"? That is how many NTs view people on the spectrum and I had been trying to be an NT all my life (though never quite making it). So ... I have a "disorder" now. Something NTs look upon as a negative.

What really helped me was watching a video by Temple Grandin where she talked about the importance of young people on the spectrum receiving tutoring or mentoring from older Aspies. I had the connections and the career skills (degrees and work experience) and the willingness to work part time and do some voluntary work. So I took up tutoring a student on the spectrum. It has been fun. The two of us get to talk all about our common special interests (e.g. we had a quick break from programming together - one common special interest - in order to talk about super volcanoes - another common special interest). I get to have "Aspie time" - the rare experience of indulging in Aspie styles of conversation, rather than just dealing with NT talk all the time. The student gets time with an adult who understands and shares special interests with him.

And after nine months of doing this I discovered it was therapeutic: my diagnosis was actually a major qualification for the job, and the school is really pleased with how the student is developing. I am not giving advice or "counselling", just spending time on our common interests, our areas of Aspie strength. My diagnosis is an asset, because I can bring something to Aspie students that none (or few) of the teachers can bring: contact with an Aspie adult. NT students grow up with lots of interaction with NT adults and peers; Aspie students grow up in a foreign world where few, if any, are the same as them. I, as an adult Aspie, can help fix that. Tutoring has given me a strong positive role as an Aspie - the diagnosis is a major asset. I can do something worthwhile because of it.

It is what would have helped me when I was growing up.

I felt a great deal of relief. I really wasn't surprised by the diagnosis at all. I thought I was like others have said damaged, broken, ret*d, or just plain stupid. It helped me understand a lot about the way I react to things, my social awkwardness, and other stuff that I thought was wrong. It's not wrong, just different. I was trying to explain my social awkwardness to my therapist. I ended up using a Big Bang Theory scene. I guess I can relate to most of the guys on that show. I know what to do, I just have difficulty in the application of it. Very common among aspies.

I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS when I was around 4 to 5. It took my parents a while to get my actually diagnosed, however my parents didn't tell me I had autism until I was around 9 and I did not take it so well.

I am currently self diagnosed having stumbled upon various internet articles and discussions in the big ongoing quest to 'fix me', a project I have been working on solidly in the background for the past 20 years whilst running and skipping alongside everyone else in my life with a fake smile plastered across my face trying to keep up.
I've suffered the humiliation if repeated trips to the GP whilst at my lowest, pleading for help but knowing that my face and voice doesn't communicate the absolute desperation and isolation inside. As a result, I've been given pills here and there, and sent off for 'chats' with different therapists all of which have served no better than as temporary sticking plasters which quickly
Fall off.
The counsellor I am currently
Seeing (which was yet another referral to try to deal with my absent sex drive and my overly
Persistent partner) agrees with my diagnosis, although I am now having to pay to see her privately as it became clear very quickly that she wasn't going to be able to solve my psychosexual problems, and wasn't allowed to discuss anything else as she was only
Employed by the NHS for that particular issue.
She has promised to write to
My GP on my behalf to try to persuade them to bump
Me up the ladder to see a senior psychiatrist for a formal
Diagnosis.
Having been forced to open up
to my partner on this, I took him along to talk to my counsellor last week. BIG mistake. He spent 2 hours talking about how great I was and how I shouldn't beat
Myself up etc. put his hand on
My knee sympathetically at intervals and generally schmoozed. This is NOT the reality for me and I left the appointment in tears as I could see the counsellor was taken in by him and clearly thinks I have support.
The demands for sex started again as soon as we got home. I was committed to a 'girlie' night with some 'friends' (I know it's harsh to put inverted commas around friends but I really am not one of them). Reluctantly, I went along not able to drink as I had to drive. After the couple of weeks aspie reading, I kind of sat back and observed them interacting, and was more mindful of my own behavior. They were all laughing joking and screeching (I flinched at the noise) and discussing topics I had nothing to contribute to. I felt totally on the periphery. To make matters worse, one famously meddling 'friend' started grilling me on my relationship
With my grown up step daughter (another story) and was making me really uncomfortable. I just managed to avoid bursting into tears and leaving but everyone knew I was upset and embarrassed.
Since then, I've fallen into a deep depression. I can't stop
Crying, I feel suicidal yet trapped as I have older children to Consider in that decision.
My point in this post is that after years of Searching for the almighty fix, the holy grail of psychology to finally rid me of my anxiety, depression, and relationship woes, I've found it. To begin with, it was a relief to have found a name for it, a description of everything I felt and did, however, for all the brightly decorated web pages and blogs illustrated with happy smiling autistic women and girls, I couldn't feel further away from having found 'my people'.
My partner is ignoring me, purposefully banging doors around me whilst I lay sobbing on the bed. He's forgotten the principles of everything I gave him to read last week and is judging me and venting his frustration at my self imposed isolation and non-communication.
I'm so alone and depressed but unable to reach out to anyone as I'm embarrassed and don't want to bring anyone down particularly at this time of
Year. I can't face Christmas, I can't even face this next week. I don't want to see, talk to anyone or have to deal with anything, yet the requirement for me to do so keep coming.
I can't see my future, I can't see the end of this week. I don't know how long I'll
Have to wait before the NHS do something for me, and then will it be enough? Am I expecting them to suddenly swoop down like a SWAT team and rescue me? Is there any point in trying anymore?

I didn't deal with it very well to be honest. At first I was numb and didn't know what to think.

Then I can remember crying quite a lot. Just for the reason that I had brought a child into the world who I had possibly passed it on to.

Then I just started to build my life back up again.

I'm ok now, it's ten years on but I'm still racked with guilt about my daughter.

I got mine last autumn and I was so relieved. I didn´t have a personality disorder, I wasn´t a spoiled "brat". Just aspie and OK.
Over the years I had been told, that I have so and so many autistic traits, so I was not surprised. The important thing was to get rid of my dumb labels, that didn´t fit. I felt revenged.

Not very well. I was diagnosed when I was about five. I found out about my diagnosis when I was about eight. I didn't really think it fit. Later I did think it fit and I was "proud" of having it. Later I started hating the label again. I don't even think it fits me very well. A lot of people assume things about me because of my diagnosis. I'm not just talking about stereotyping, I'm also talking about stuff that's actually in the criteria.

Life is better now for me as an Aspie.

I was 28 when diagnosed two years ago. I am thirty now. I had just moved out to my current town. I am female, and I was all alone. I had just spent ten months being told about all my bad characteristics on my last job, which was not fair because the job had changed since the posting was made. I was hurting.

Anyways, I wanted to know. I had been previously assessed and had nailed the faces portion of the emotional intelligence test (after a lot of hard work, I might add... harder than an nt would have to put in) so was told I was not confident, rather than Aspie. Hearing I was Aspie was like a breath of fresh air for me. It has meant the difference between friends and not having friends. I have kept my job too because of diagnosis. Life is good.

Feel free to pm me if you wish.

I am your age, also with a late diagnosis, and also trying to "deal" given I don't fit many of the stereotypes I always see.

I was diagnosed in September, just short of age 30. Scored 33 on the autism test given to me, which meant high-moderate. Didn't seem typical for someone who excelled academically, graduated college with a 3.7 GPA in English, doesn't particularly struggle with most forms of abstract thought, has no major self-care issues, and has even held a few jobs, though none for longer than a year yet, and I'm not completely independent from parents yet.

Then again, I'm repeatedly told I can't read social cues that well, that I'm too intense, scary, rather uncommunicative one-on-one unless I know others well or understand a subject in-depth, and don't act very feminine in most respects. I have no close friends (though I'm happily engaged). I don't fit perfectly into either the secular or religious communities; both think I'm "odd." Always trying to figure out what all of this may mean.

So, I guess I'm still "dealing."

I was quite angry at first and rebelled at the idea, I have learned to accept it now.

I was seven when I was diagnosed. When I first found out, I was disappointed. I had heard of it before, and related to it a bit, but you don't necessarily go diagnosing yourself with things just because you have a couple of the characteristics. I didn't want to feel like there was something "wrong" with me. But I later realized that other people had it too, and that it wasn't a bad thing but a different way of being. I am now entirely accepting of my diagnosis.

I am coming from a 40 yo male perspective but I was diagnosed as bipolar and BPD. Both of which were incorrect. There were many years that I knew things were different for me but couldn't figure them out. Recently I was diagnosed with AS and it was an eye opener for me. It came the opportunity to identify with others and to be able that I was not the only one out there like myself. I am just now learning about it but it is exciting. I have gotten to a point of acceptance that way I can move forward.

I am 47 and always felt something was different, and did find I had to work at understanding people or at least appearing like I understood. Which I never really did. I suspected autism or OCD but never pursued it. Then while doing psychology at Uni (at 45yo) I got reason to believe I was on the spectrum. It kind of stunned me and made me angry because I thought someone should have figured it out so my life was not such a screwup. Over the past 2 years now, I have come to understand the condition and myself, and now I accept it and it makes sense, and am diagnosed. I feel my life is better because my family now knows I wasn't just trying to destroy everyone's good time when I did not want to join the party, and I am less angry with them because I get that really didn't understand me, instead of not caring about me. I even am open about it because I have found people don't understand it and I feel my talking about it contributes to growing awareness (which I myself did not have before). It also outs me in a good position to guide my son who I believe is an aspie, and give him the help I never had.
By the way, OP, look up 2e and see if that fits you. I believe it will because you remind me so much of me.

I had suspected for a bit some months before I got diagnosed a couple months back and wasn't actually seeking a diagnosis for it. I wasn't surprised about it, but for some reason I still did not react well to it. Was once again pretty ticked off about issues I had long gotten over and there were a lot of "What if I had only been diagnosed sooner?" because even though I'm only 17, my life has already taken a very different path than most.