Don't feel like the other AS people I met.

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A while ago I was somewhat coerced into going to an Asperger's social group.

I couldn't relate to anyone there and I ended up having a meltdown due to overload.

Yet my dad keeps encouraging me to go to more Asperger's social groups.

Has anyone else been to an Asperger's social club? Your experiences please?

Is there really any point in me going to any more social clubs? My neurologist said I present more severely than Asperger's, is that the reason I couldn't cope in that social club?

Socialising with anyone, even my dad, makes me want to scream unless there is a function to it, such as learning how to take professional photos or solving a physics problem. I never understood socialising for the sake of socialising.

These are my frank & un-pc observations:

they tend to have the more 'obvious' cases - particularly where it's X Autistic Society/Trust, whereas those that tend to be X Advocacy tend to have the more 'with-it' ones since those aren't revolving around sitting in a circle, a bit like Alcoholics Anonymous (perhaps such groups could be named Aspergers Anonymous!!) and those advocacy ones tend to have more that wish to do something to help the/ir cause.

Autistic Trusts/Societies also have more 'obvious' cases as they started out assisting 'classic' autistic folk, whereas the advocacy ones are *not* aimed at bus pass-round-the-neck-on-a-lanyard types.

I am quite renowned for doing the rounds of these groups in my area and I have noted in one of the counties, the nicer the area, the more-able they are, which is not surprising given the socio-economics of it all, but in nicer areas where they have received less of a leg-up in life, they've *had* to cope with it. I suppose i fit in best with the Tonbridge & Canterbury groups I attend; the further north of the county you get, well, the more care in the community they become.

The people that runs these groups see me as entertaining, if only to break up the monotony of people rattling off bus numbers by rote...

Last edited by 12341234 on 25 Jul 2014, 3:23 pm, edited 4 times in total.

I don't see the point in socialising without a fixed purpose, like cleaning the house or helping me with uni work.

It is probably best I ignore my dad on this one. I don't want to socialise in a social group, I cannot see the point of them and I usually end up nearly getting hurt, or actually getting hurt at times, because of the meltdown I get.

I think you should pursue it when you are ready, as opposed to when your father thinks you are ready.

Do you perhaps feel more pressure to conform around other "aspies" or more pressure on yourself to be accepted among them than you do normal people?

I don't think I could ever go to a group. I am extremely curious but you know what they say about "curiosity killing the cat" and my curiosity with people groups has gotten me into "rejection" trouble before.

I go to church and do that with the intention of being available for someone else. That is the purpose I latch onto, but even that can be isolating.

But if you don't like the group or feel weird there, don't go. You'll probably regret keeping going if you do keep going. I still regret putting myself through trying to get into a group (usually church related with other people my age) and that was about 8 years ago. I sustained a lot of self-esteem damage from trying to accepted.

I was dxéd very late in life, so I approached the group feeling a little like a voyeur, because I came out of curiosity. I didn´t think, I would fit in, but I did.
I am learning, that few of us really fit the traditional description, - apart from certain traits, so there is nothing to conform to. It actually stops newbies like me trying to conform.
Personally I gain a lot from that group, and I like coming there.

I've never been to a group, and I kind of want to, but at the same time I feel like I wouldn't fit in because I'm fairly allistic-passing -- my stims are small and hardly noticeable, unless I'm extremely stressed out I'm fully verbal, even eloquent, and I can fake facial expressions and small talk well enough. It's kind of what happens when you don't get a diagnosis until adulthood: you become an excellent actor.

First time I heard there are social groups. Got to look into this, thanks!

To the TS, do what you want. Don't let peer pressure make you do stuff. Do it at your own time and speed. The only problem with this is you never try something. You did try it and it did not feel right. Maybe you can try again in the future. It's your life and your decision.

Agree; moreover is the others that get siphoned-off to ESN (or whatever the letters are this week) schools when they're really not that daft: they get mollycoddled and told they're special - which is Guardian-speak for wally...

Unless they are severely 'Joey Deacon' they should attend a normal school. A friend of mine went from a normal school to an ESN one, and really, had they continued to attend the normal one, they'd have to cope as opposed to being statemented as an easy option

People don´t sit there, stimming like madmen. They are just a bunch of normal looking people, some of them a bit quirky, but nothing dramatic.I The point is, that you meet somebody, that can take you away from your prejudice and show you a true picture.
As the evening goes, you will notice some tendencies, - like for instance the inclination to rattle along instead of keeping it short and sweet, and think: "Auuu! That´s me!" (I seem to be the most fidgety one).The group is a mirror. That´s all.

I think you should do what makes you happy right now. Do I understand you are at university right now? If so are you enjoying the subject, and can you get into it even more? I think if you start there, maybe some of the social things will follow - but even if they don't it's not a problem because the studying stuff can be even more enjoyable - or at least that's what I think!

How can someone feel like other people?
I don't feel like other people.
I only feel like me.

I don't want to conform. I never did and I never will. My dad just conned me into going to the AS group, he said "you'll meet many people like you" to me. Bullsh*t and I don't care about lack of friends tbh. The internet and music give me enough company.

I've been to one. I kind of belonged because the group was very diverse. It was mostly aspies, but it had a few NTs and one intellectually disabled guy. Since they talked about stuff I knew about it was easy to keep the conversation going. I just didn't enjoy myself or truly feel connected to anyone.

I don't either yet I scored 10/10 in the AQ10 test they did for my initial assessment. A score of 6/10 gets you sent for formal diagnosis. I maxed out. I don't feel autistic...

I don't have as many routines as most autistics, I dislike change in some ways but love it in others (variety can be good) and I don't have black and white thinking.

I do have intense hobbies, huge collections, a tendency to prefer detail however the detail is important as without it the issue I am trying to explain can't be fully understood...even if the person I am explaining it to can't see that...over simplification and lack of detail lead to misunderstanding and mistakes that could have otherwise been avoided (plus I am not bogged down by detail..it enhances my functioning, it does not impair it, it allows me to develop deeper understanding and come up with better solutions to problems..i process said detail quickly and am not confused or distracted by it), I have difficulties socially and I have sensitivities.

But I don't have problems looking after myself if I avoid environments that make me feel unwell such rooms with fluorescent lighting for example (at home I have a desk near a window and mostly work with natural light where possible) so whereas I'd have trouble working in an office with fluorescent lighting id have no problem doing my job from home with natural light...as long as my physical health holds up and that depends on what I eat, getting sufficient sleep, avoiding chronic stress and so on.

If I cant get these things done it is usually because I am physically unwell and not because I don't know how to do said task (except D ring clips on aprons apparently...bloody thing).

So I don't know...I have some strong traits of autism but am capable of living alone and looking after myself when physically well even if I live a lonely existence.

And I like my tendency toward detail...if I start doing things other peoples way I wont do such good work anymore, it will become over simplified, illogical, poorly thought out and inaccurate. As I said it might over whelm others but my brain can process said detail really quickly as long as long as I am in a quiet environment and am not distracted by the horrid artificial lighting and the hum of electronics doing my head in. oh and people all talking at once bothers me. Even now I can hear a lot of background noise that is bothersome to me and I am in a library....

I can hear a kid shouting from a café across the way, lots of people talking, something buzzing, the light is bothersome (more fluorescent lighting I think), the kid is still squealing (I think I lost an ear drum there), I can hear people walking...that kid again (ffs) and so on.

I am going home to study when I am done here...its quieter.

sorry about the typos, am in the library and am not used to the keyboard they have in here lol keys are spaced differently.

I have been to a few social and advocacy groups. I am always amazed at how well other people with AS can socialize. It perplexes me.