Hi, I'm new, and a bit about why I can't work
little_blue_jay
Velociraptor
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Joined: 31 Jul 2014
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 421
Location: Ontario, Canada
I am the 24th new member to join today!
I've been lurking here for a couple of weeks. I am a self-diagnosed Aspie awaiting an appointment in November with a psychologist. I requested my doctor refer me - I figured out on my own that I'm Aspie.
I took a detailed self-test a couple of years ago and scored "Very Highly Likely" that I'm Aspie. So many of the questions rang so true for me.
I am 37, female, single (live with a roommate) and live in Ontario Canada.
I also am 99% sure I have POTS - Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. I figured that one out on my own as well. (Thank you, Dr. Google!)
Now a bit about me and my job, sorry this might be long: (go make a cuppa tea & come back )
I technically have a job being held for me but I recently have been getting worse with the tachycardia - in May I had a loop recorder on me and it showed 'sinus tachycardia' so my doctor finally sees that I'm not making it all up! I recently was 'taken off the schedule as I'm unreliable' and I don't really blame them, my health issues are making it hard to work at a standing job (it is a busy coffee shop - if you're Canadian think about what coffee is most famous in Canada, that's where I work!)
I also have been increasingly intolerant of the BS that exists working in a frenetic fast food joint. I have been reading here of Aspies who improve as they age, but I seem to be getting worse with dealing with people and their BS as I get older. I just don't have the tolerance or patience for it. I don't mean just customers being impatient or rude with me - there will always be those type of customers who will take out their bad day on anyone who is serving them. And then the next customer is super-nice to you! I'm talking about the co-workers in there - honestly none of them are very nice to me, even though all I want to do is go in, do my job to the best of my ability for that day, and go home. I don't blend in there, I don't belong. I don't gossip, nor do I start sh*t, but as soon as I do something in my own way, that doesn't happen to coincide with how they'd do it, there they go running to the supervisor about it, and I get in sh*t. I guess they expect me to lie down and become a doormat but it's my nature to defend myself. I don't start it, but I sure as h*ll will defend myself if they bring it to me.
And it's starting to feel like discrimination because I've been diagnosed with 'fibromyalgia/CFS' and I work slowly sometimes, my joints and muscles hurt some days, and a certain supervisor in there keeps telling me 'you could do that faster' or 'you need to work faster, (my name here)' - well how the h*ll do you know how I'm feeling that day? Who is she to judge? I'm sick of it. If I was sure I was going back I'd be tempted to take it to the Labour Board, but I haven't got the energy nor the compulsion to do it, I just don't care anymore. I don't want to go back. I understand that in fast food you're expected to work at a certain pace, but I developed my health conditions after I was hired, hence it's not my fault, it's not like I was hired in this condition and it's illegal to fire someone or discriminate due to a medical condition!
Plus they know I'm sick, and they'll very often leave me on counter all by myself, with a long line-up going out the door practically. There is one supervisor in there who is always nice to me, she will come over and help if she sees I'm busy and getting overwhelmed, but the other supervisors will just leave me there alone floundering. Customers have walked out after being in line for 20 minutes, but how is that my fault? I do the best I can. I say let them complain to the manager - maybe next time the supervisor will come over and help, that's her job! I leave there so stressed out sometimes, and frustrated that sometimes there are 4 or 5 people on Drive-thru and just me on counter all by myself.
It's gotten so bad that a few times when I've gotten really tachycardic and my legs are weak and my vision is going blurry, I've just slowed down my work. Just slowed myself right down on purpose. Till help is forthcoming. No help forthcoming, oh well. I'm not gonna pass out for this job if I can help it! It's minimum wage and I'm sick dammit.
So anyway I'm off the schedule and I sound lazy to say but oh well - it's a relief, in a way. Now I'm on welfare. My last day I worked, I did not even last 20 minutes and I had to go sit down from the tachycardia, and I asked someone to phone me a cab to go home. I think my HR was around 200. And they were so sympathetic (sarcasm) on my last day - the supervisor was like "you can't just come in and leave after 20 minutes, this is stressful for us, having to call in a replacement for you on no notice" - meanwhile I literally was so tachy I thought my heart would stop, I'm gasping for air, my vision was going gray, and all they can think of is how I'm inconveniencing them!
Later that afternoon the tachy was so bad I went to the ER by ambulance - of course by the time they hooked me up to the EKG I was lying down so it had gotten better. Having POTS is bad, but the stress of dealing with the BS idiots at work made it worse
When I left that last day I gasped out, "nobody can say I didn't try!"
My POTS seems to come and go. (I'm not officially diagnosed POTS though, the wait time to see the specialist who diagnoses it is "one to two years" - my doctor's words!) My doctor is great though, he believes me when I tell him my symptoms and he filled out the forms to go on welfare for medical reasons. He doesn't believe I'd get Disability though, says it's very hard to get it here (Ontario). He referred me to a psychologist right away too, and didn't seem fazed when I told him I thought I was Aspie.
I probably could do a sit-down job. But I'm not qualified for anything technical or computer-related.
Sorry that was so long! That's a bit about me and why I don't work right now. Anyway I'm having fun reading about so many other Aspies just like me. I have no female friends - by my age most other women are married with kids. The few friends I have are all guys. I've always thought guys are easier to talk to. (If it's hockey season, start talking hockey! I watch hockey.) I find women hard to talk to - they're either complaining about their husbands or comparing notes on child-rearing , neither of which topic I can contribute to! I do want to get married someday, but have zero interest in having children.
So happy to be here!
_________________
Diagnosed "Asperger's to a moderate degree" April 7, 2015.
Aspie score 145 of 200
NT score 56 of 200
AQ score: 47
RAADS-R score: 196
sorry work was so bad about your health problem. when i supervised people, i would be frustrated when they called in sick on short notice, but what i always said was "sorry you're feeling bad. do whatever it takes to get well."
welcome.
have you ever thought about telemarketing? you would be sitting for that.
little_blue_jay
Velociraptor
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Joined: 31 Jul 2014
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 421
Location: Ontario, Canada
Yeah they do ask for 4 hours notice to phone in sick, but that day even though I was tachy walking to work I figured I'd ask to be put on Drive-thru window, I thought 'there's a ledge to lean on, I won't be walking around, etc' and I thought I'd be ok, but I couldn't do it - I just couldn't do it. I tried.
And this isn't the only time I've gone on 'sick leave' with this place - I've had about 3 or 4 times now with fibro/CFS that I've had to take a sick leave. But now with POTS developing and no clue when the next flare up will occur, I can't just be disappearing from there for weeks at a stretch, they're gonna get real fed up with me. I really am unreliable, but I told my welfare worker the same thing I told them my last day: "nobody can say I didn't try!"
I've done telemarketing before, eons ago. Didn't really like it, it was for a charity selling sweatshirts to raise money for wheelchair basketball, but I remember I hardly sold anything. It was all scripted out and everything, but I guess I don't have the voice to sell anyone anything
_________________
Diagnosed "Asperger's to a moderate degree" April 7, 2015.
Aspie score 145 of 200
NT score 56 of 200
AQ score: 47
RAADS-R score: 196
POTS is usually associated with tachycardia when standing up (i.e., get out of bed in the morning too fast and get dizzy, getting up from a chair too fast...), but it should resolve within a few minutes after that. If you get tachycardia while standing up for longer periods of time, you might have a vasovagal response due to venous blood pooling (blood gathering in the veins of your legs), and/or hypervolemia (low blood volume caused by dehydration or insufficient salt intake). Many patients present with POTS and vasovagal response.
I have POTS and vasovagal response. I get tachycardia when I get up, syncope symptoms appear, I feel really lousy, but I bend down from my waist so that the head is lower than the heart level in order to get blood back to my brain. Raising my arms above my head for more than a few seconds also triggers POTS. I used to faint all the time, but now I catch it before I black out and I recover fast.
Vasovagal response: standing up for a long time without walking, heat, upsetting images (used to be blood), pain...they all trigger it. Taking a hot shower while standing is impossible. I also have low blood pressure, so that doesn't help.
If you have a drop in blood pressure, it can leave you extremely fatigued for days after the episode. The brain really dislikes drops in oxygen availability. I was tired all the time because I wasn't drinking enough and didn't know how to prevent fainting episodes.
Solution to POTS is to get up slowly. Solution to both POTS and vasovagal response is to drink plenty of water throughout the day, make sure you have an adequate salt intake (unless you have high blood pressure), stand on your tippy-toes or start walking when you notice fainting symptoms (dizzy, nausea, tunnel vision, hearing distortions, sweating...) so that you engage your calf muscles which pump blood back up, and bend down from your waist as low as you can to restore proper blood flow to the brain. You can also use compression stockings. Drugs haven't been very successful in treating these conditions. Best to avoid triggers. Tilt table test should be performed. Doctor needs to exclude more serious conditions.
BirdInFlight
Veteran
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I relate to your remark that as you get older you feel less able to deal with a people-interactive job, not more. I too had the same experience. When I was younger I had the willingness and the flexibility to try. But as I got older, all the other accumulated stresses of life have made me less able to tolerate people's BS, even though in another sense I've learned a few more social skills. But my tolerance has gone down like something old getting worn down by time and ill use, like a worn out knee joint. I can't do people's crap anymore, and would die in a retail job now.
Hi BirdinFlight!
I enjoy your flight patterns.
Yeah...working at Tim Horton's could probably be stressful. Have you ever thought about telemarketing, like the other poster said, or data entry (which is what I do?) Probably data entry might fill the bill for you. It's very Aspie-friendly.
BirdInFlight
Veteran
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Location: If not here, then where?
little_blue_jay
Velociraptor
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Joined: 31 Jul 2014
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 421
Location: Ontario, Canada
Ticky, yeah I am awaiting a TTT but my doctor says its a one to two year wait! I keep reading that POTS is rare but if it's so rare why is the wait so long?! LOL if it's rare I should be able to get in for testing right away! I know to get up slowly with POTS - learned that ages ago as I do have a history of low blood pressure, I always am in the low 100's or sometimes even the 90's as my systolic BP - my doc's not at all concerned, all he says is 'I wish more of my patients had your blood pressure'! It's the prolonged standing that causes me issues, and working in a fast-paced restaurant I can't be bending over just whenever - I mean I like your suggestions, but when you're working and expected to work fast if I have to bend over like that often or do maneuvers to not pass out then a standing job just isn't for me anymore. Plus I'd just get more behind on the line-up, and customers will be like 'what is she doing bending over, there's a line-up out here'
Plus my co-workers already think I'm too slow! And they already think I'm strange! I'm lucky, I've never passed out but I know I've come awfully close, my vision will go gray, etc. as I described above. I find myself doing subconscious maneuvers as well, I've caught myself tightening my abdomenal muscles without consciously thinking to do it, and it helps keep the blood in my upper body. Also fidgeting with my legs, shifting from one leg to the other, bending my legs at the knee when having to stand in one spot without moving. But really this job just isn't for me anymore.
Kraftie, what type of training does one require for data entry? I'm not very 'techie' at all (LOL, I'm 'tachy' but not 'techie', and I just replied to "Ticky" - boy do I notice patterns or what) What type of data is it, if you don't mind my asking? Numbers or words?
_________________
Diagnosed "Asperger's to a moderate degree" April 7, 2015.
Aspie score 145 of 200
NT score 56 of 200
AQ score: 47
RAADS-R score: 196
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