How to end a desire for emotional intimacy?

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I know this sounds ridiculous, and it probably is, but I have feelings for someone who I know has none for me. Honestly, I'm not even upset that they don't reciprocate. In fact, I'm glad they don't. What I'm upset about is that since I began having feelings for them, it opened up the flood gates for these desires to be sexually and emotionally intimate with someone. The idea males me cringe. I that's feeling so vulnerable and needy and for the longest time, I hated him for making me feel this way. But it isn't his fault - I allowed myself to feel this way and it makes me weak.

I miss the days when I couldn't care less about being in a relationship and really enjoyed my solitude. Now I'm needy and these feelings of loneliness are hard to bear. I've always been a bit of a black sheep, socially, but it never used to bother me. Now even in platonic relationships, I feel desperate for affection and while I never let it on, I'm disgusted with myself.

I want to be independent. I don't want to feel so needy and pathetic. Is there a way to get rid of these feelings? It hurts.

I'm in a similar predicament, but further along than you are, it seems. I've found that being often reminded of how loud, weak, stupid, and impossible to get along with people are creates enough repulsion to them to help me feel satisfied with being alone.

for me love is like a big inversion, where you have a lot to win and a lot to lose. Sometimes its worth the pain.

I watched Dexter.

Loose your self into a story that might be true. It sounds a bit twisted. It might not work for you. There is some thing out there in TV land or in hobbie interest land that will intrigue you so much that love will just get in the way making yourself better at it.

Learn the guitar, 3d map painting, martial arts...


now that he is out of your way its time for you time

Why should you feel disgusted at having natural impulses to do things that don't directly harm anyone?

I'm frustrated by my lack of a romantic life, but I don't blame by myself for wanting it. That just makes matters worse.

I don't think we can learn to switch off natural impulses altogether but we can control them through meditation. Alternatively, you have to ride the storm until it's over. No feeling stays the same forever. Emotions are like seasons. Forever changing.

Oh and if you're able, go to the gym. That will help wash out those hormones : )

Just remember that being in an intimate relationship with someone leads to cohabitation, and cohabitation leads to being on your on-stage behavior all the time. That should be enough to kill the wish for an intimate relationship.

Don't hate yourself for wanting it, though. It's a basic human urge.

Not necessarily. Men need space and privacy too.
Not all men who want a relationship with some intimacy also want cohabitation.
Other variables apply like the duration of the relationship, etc. but it's not a foregone conclusion.

No, but it does happen a lot.

If the intimate relationship is successful, it tend to progress to spending more and more time together, and from there to cohabiting and/or getting married.

Which makes it really hard to have downtime.

I suppose I feel that I feel that way because it goes against my principles. To me, a relationship is about co-operation and it takes time to build up into something intimate. But I feel society likes to put on the rose tinted glasses and pretends that obsessiveness and co-dependency is romantic. I believe my feelings were based on the latter and as somebody who has always striven towards independence and self determination, the idea that I would put somebody on such a high pedestal makes me mad at myself.