People who say "Don't worry about what others think"

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I'm sure many of you have heard of this statement, "It doesn't matter what others think", I have heard it plenty of times and this just annoys me since it sounds very contradictory. Perhaps the people who say it are hyper judgmental themselves and are attempting to mislead and divert attention from their ulterior motives (perhaps).

Now if I were to take this very literally and apply it to all facets of life (which isn't smart but just for discussion purposes, I'll bite), then this means that one doesn't care what his/her boss thinks, doesn't care what his/her peers thinks (reputation - ouch), doesn't care about what authorities or people important to their lives think, and the list goes on, etc. However, if that were true, then everyone would not be conforming to society, not wanting to better themselves, and also there would be no need of setting higher standards or meeting a criteria (while were at it, just do away with all the requirements and qualifications, and quality is irrelevant then). But that simply just doesn't work because then society wouldn't be able to function and there would be no standard of quality or acceptance and we wouldn't get anything done, since there is no criterion to measure success. So I'm guessing what others think DOES matter (and sometimes A LOT) especially when it can affect one's life, reputation, finances, social life, romance life (for those that are in relationships), physical/mental health, job/employment opportunities, and even day to day living.

I wrote this rant just to get things off my chest because I couldn't find a better place to vent and maybe get some input on your thoughts.

Its more a loss of anything to say to try and improve your mood. It doesn't help but they don't want to say the negative response.
I have learned its better to take it nowhere near face value and take it more as someone trying to be there to pick you up, more they care than anything else.
There is a legitimate problems with people taking this completely correct where people do believe that doing things that can be bad dont matter because i dont worry about others. Best way to take it is like please and thank you in a lot of smaller ways, its become the standard/regular reply to the problem so don't take it too much to heart.

I am inclined to agree when what they think/believe makes them behave in ways to affect you negatively.

Don't people only really say this though for something like -- well -- there's a thread about going to the movies alone. and the general sentiment of some of us who responded was more or less "Don't worry about what others think, just go alone if you want to see that movie."

I don't think anyone says this seriously as advice about not caring what your boss thinks. It's more something to apply to things someone feels self conscious about but shouldn't -- like going alone to a movie or wearing their favorite color even though it's bright orange or something.

You're over-applying to more serious things in life. Although, as you get older even those start to need a bit of that philosophy. As I've gone on through life I've learned it's a waste of time to care all that much what people think. There's certain aspects of life in which you can't "not care" -- paying taxes, abiding by the law, work etc.

But in general, for other people poking their nose in my business or trying to suppress what I think, or how I live -- or if I go to the movies alone? FCK 'em. You learn it's stupid to care MOST of the time what MOST people think.

Do with that what you will. It's been my life experience. I used to be scared to say boo to a goose, but you get older and start to realize that life's too short.

There are certainly people whose opinions aren't worth considering. School bully personalities come to mind. It doesn't really matter what you do, if they see you as vulnerable they will find fault. You will be better off in life when you realise they are just psychos and their opinion is worth s**t. Of course it makes your life hell when forced into proximity with them.

I hate it when people bring it up how we seem to worry about what others think about us all the time. Especially if another party has been ugly to us. It's just plain callous. Yes we aren't people pleasers but still.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_Do_Y ... e_Think%3F

Richard P. Feynman made a very successful career by being an independent thinker. But, most of us aren't that gifted.

I care about what some people think (most of my family, friends etc.), but most people definitely fall under the "opinions don't really matter to me" group.

Best thing you can do is filter out all those extras whose opinions shouldn't affect your decisions and actions. Some people really just aren't worth it. caring what everyone thinks is cause for suffering, and won't get you anywhere.

Sometimes it matters what other people think and sometimes it doesn't.....and when it does matter, sometimes it matters only a little bit and sometimes it matters a lot. It depends on the situation.

There is an evolutionary reason why we're wired to are what others think. Now the degree people care changes from person to person. Someone with social anxiety has a much stronger reaction to what others think regardless of whether or not they consciously want to.

Humans are a social creature that needs other humans to survive. So getting shunned from a group or person in a position of power causes part of the brain to fear for its own survival. Now it's a lot more complicated than that but I think that's the basis for why we have the tendency to care so much.

@WildWolf
I think that may be sound advice, like it does matter if the person can impact my life in a way (boss, law enforcement, judge, professor, spouse, family, etc.)

@Ban-Dodger
Not sure what you meant there.

@BirdinFlight
I like the last statement, life is too short to worry about others, and since I'm in my 20's, I'll probably try to enjoy life a bit more, it's hard to find the balance (when to care, when not to care, how important it is, etc.) but I'll try to.

@Stephen_
Yeah true, it reminds me of those types of people, but I suppose most of the people that say these aren't bullies, thankfully.

@Summer_Twilight
In this case, it would be the flamer flaming someone then telling someone don't feed the troll or flames, thinking that they would be safe from verbal retaliation, which is f*****g stupid on their end.

@BTDT
That's right, speaking of which... the Philosophy field as well as most other liberal arts fields and some sciences field have pretty scarce job opportunities, like there just isn't much demand or much jobs in that field (aside from teaching maybe...). No offense to the people in those fields and I'm not attacking them for choosing that as their major or field of study. I'm simply just stating a fact as well as my personal experiences with people who are in those fields.

@SilverProteus
So far, I care about what family thinks as I'm still partially dependent on them (money and a place to live- hence I'm grateful for what I have and also learned to tolerate differing opinions), I care about what my professors think since my grades and reputation are important (and more so if/when I need to get a recommendation from them).

@animalcrackers
True. I will most likely care about the ones that have a direct influence on my life, or can potentially effect change my life.

@Lukeda420
Well said and that could be the biological/hereditary explanation of why.

It really is a stupid statement imo. It absolutely does matter what people think, people's perceptions and notions about you effect how you are treated.

In fact anyone who has aspies probably knows this. There's probably very few of us who haven't been passed over for a job because of something relating to our aspies. Or been bullied or struggled making friends because people perceived us as weird and "off" somehow.

And it's human nature to worry about the perception of others. It's rare to find people who don't want to be accepted and fit in, even if its only on a small scale. Human beings are social creatures who crave acceptance.

Also, I hate platitudes.

I'm someone who, due to social anxiety, often worries far too much about what people think. To the extent that I can't funtion, and never get anything done- the worrying makes it HARDER to solve the problems I'm worrying about.

So I've heard this irritating little piece of advice a lot. I've come to terms with it a bit, because I think it comes from people who think emotively rather than literally. They see me worrying a lot, and to persuade me to worry less they come out with a forceful "Dont worry AT ALL. EVAR." The absolute isn't there to be taken literally, it's just to reinforce the message. "Try only to worry as much as is useful, and no more" would sound unpersuasive to them.

@lidsmichelle
I agree, and good observation indeed.

@PhosphorusDecree
I think I'm still struggling to find that balance, between the times where it is important to care and how much to care about it, and when it shouldn't matter at all.