Hating family - common or cause for concern?

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Can hateful feelings towards people stem from an inability to connect with them?

I can't bring myself to care about my family. They're loud, domineering and nosy. They feign support one day, but the next, they show no willingness to understand, listen, or support me.
Plus, they constantly talk smack behind my back, when they believe I cannot hear them.

I do not feel connected to these people. I don't want to be around them for even a few minutes.

Is it "okay" to strongly hate my family? Could it be related to ASD?

I think it's normal.

It being defined as okay is different in everyone's viewpoint. I myself find it almost impossible to connect with family and find myself having bitter feelings of anger and hatred towards them. I am more closer to my mom and my brother rather than aunts,uncles and more distant family members. Right now I'm struggling to find out if I even love my mom. I think I do but does that feeling just stem off because i'm dependent on her to live? Everyone in my family constantly puts me down and belittles me. They make it seem like they themselves are the victims.

My brother is nicer and more understanding but still I find myself lacking the desire to form a closer relationship.

I think its "okay" to hate family. You don't owe anyone a relationship.

I feel like all families in general tend to strongly dislike each other regardless of anything. As kids we are taught that we have to love and forgive our families no matter what they do to us because them being connected by blood or marriage somehow means that we have to hold them to a higher regard over every other person in the world and yet I'm sure a lot of us can think of past moments where our family members hurt us more than anybody else and never even seemed to care about how we were feeling. I think it's because when you force people to believe that they have to stick together even when they don't agree on anything they end up resenting each other over time and hold grudges unlike friends who hangout together because they actually agree on the same things and choose to enjoy each other's company.

IMO family is just overrated and I have yet to meet a family that wasn't just as dysfunctional as my own. I don't think there has ever been a moment in history where a family loved each other and was there for each other like the ones you always see on TV. I think the ones that do stick together only do so because it is expected out of them and they have no choice in the matter.

Edit: For the record I don't really care for my family anymore either. The older I get the more cruel and selfish my younger brothers and little sister act towards me and my mom seems to always let them get away with stuff that she would never think of letting me get away with (I think its because she knows that she will always be stuck with me unlike them). I have a whole bunch of scattered relatives who seem to have forgotten that I ever existed since I moved to another state with my mom 8 years ago and even though I think my mom is the only one who actually cares about me at all she has done a lot of things that have hurt me over the years and I find it impossible to ever talk to her about anything because she really does not understand me as much as she says she does to other people plus I've grown to realize that she has a lot of issues of her own. Also I cannot make friends and the only people I ever get to be around are my mom's friends or my brother's friends and sister's friends (I REALLY hate my sister's friends they are a bunch of stuck-up emo snobs like her) so I really have nobody I can ever turn to for anything. Oh and also I've come to realize that nobody in our house ever cares about what I have to say about anything because they always quickly disagree with me (even when I actually am right about something once in awhile) and people seem to always put down my interests and act like their interests are better than mine. I'm teaching myself to talk to people less and less because I just don't see the point in trying to talk to a family that always talks at me instead of with me and I always end up feeling upset about myself afterwards. Plus I've found that I actually do learn more about people around me by keeping quiet all the time and just listening to them speak.

Common ... and cause for concern.

Autistics often construct false dichotomies. It is part of their black-and-white thinking. For instance, the title question was not phrased as "do your family get on your nerves" but rather in terms of hate, the most extreme antipathy there is.

I will continue to mention this extreme, either/or thinking style when I see it at WrongPlanet. In most cases, we are better served acknowledging the shades of gray in between wonderful and terrible, between love and hate.

It's quite common for young adults to want to fly into the wider world and do things their own way, leaving parents and family behind. But most people do want to keep some ties to their past. It is most unfortunate when the family makes a scapegoat of the autistic member and feels entitled to do so. I was the scapegoat in my family (but probably not the only autistic person). Over time I mostly maintained ties but was less and less willing to be vulnerable with those people. But knowing who I was included knowing who I came from. I came to see each of them as victims too, and understand their injuries and defenses, though still unwilling to be vulnerable with them.

Ohh Bea Arthur! Is there anything you can't fix with your deadpan sass? That is why you are a true American Hero!

lol sorry I know that was off topic but your username and picture reminds me of one of my most favorite people of all time she and the rest of the cast from The Golden Girls were great! I mean they had a fantastic way of bringing real-life issues to the audiences and showing what should be the best ways to handle them.

Why do you think I chose her as my alter ego?

Deadpan sass is a phrase I've never heard before though... thank you, I think!

It's pretty standard for someone of the OP's age to speak in extreme terms. I don't think I've met anyone of 18 who hasn't believed they "hate" something or someone. Not saying it can't result in more serious things. But I am saying that using strong terms when one is 18 and feeling oppressed by the people one is forced to deal with is so universal a feeling, I'm not about to call them out on just a word.

lol don't mention it I kinda borrowed that quote from a show called Teen Titans Go! (the only joke in that whole show that I actually enjoyed)

I wasn't aware I was "calling anyone out." It remains true that reductionism of the sort in question leads to errors of perception and judgment, and this can be true at any age.

BirdInFlight, I used to think you only scrapped with me, but I see you getting your panties in a wad with other chatters too. First, I don't think everyone is out to get you; second, I do see you as pursuing it as a personal mission to "call out" anyone you disagree with; and third, you evoke, and evince, a degree of hostility that is not necessary. Why don't you try to live and let live?

If you need to use mocking "quotation marks," italics, or SHOUTING ALL CAPS in your reply, maybe those are signs that your dander is up and retiring to another forum or topic is a better choice for the time being. I don't come here to fight with people, and I don't think most other people do, either.

As a very literal person, I see no need for exaggerations. Many things get on my nerves - when there's a spider in my room, it gets on my nerves. But when a group of people put me down and threaten me every day, you can bet I harbor nothing but hatred for them.

This is the same family that mocked my suicidal ideation. I was 14 and hurting myself, and they were amused.
The same sibling that (when I was a child) used me for sexual acts.

The depth of this disconnect oft startles me, but why should it? Of course I feel disconnected. It makes sense, in hindsight, that I feel nothing tethering me to them. I would gladly move away from them, and I will.

I think it is probably pretty common in general for more and more people in society, I was raised with a big extended family but they all bailed once my grandmother died, I don't really bother hating and try not to think about these people much even if it hurts. I think communities, the extended family, and the nuclear family are things that in a state of societal collapse for all too many people. Terrible time to be alive.

Now that I think about it I guess the only person in my family I can honestly say I still love is my mom and I believe it is because even though she was not always perfect and did make mistakes with me she actually does care about me enough to make sure I'm safe unlike the rest of my family. I mean she provides me with a place to live even though I am 26 because as much as I have always hated admitting this I really am incapable of living on my own or working a job due to my autism and I guess she realized this long ago before I could. After my suicide attempt when I tried so hard to leave home I had to find out the hard way that I can't actually make it on my own and that I really have nobody else in this world to turn to for help (even my siblings turned their backs on me which is why I am still refusing to talk to them). I really am dependent on my mom to live because I have nobody else and even after the horrible way I acted towards her she still cared enough about me to try and bring me back home because she was worried. I guess a lot of times in a family the mother is the one who ends up loving her kids more than anybody else and they probably all make mistakes with their kids but I guess there is a reason why they tend to end up raising the kids even if the fathers never stick around (like mine). Maybe maternal instinct is a very real thing and I have to admit I do feel horrible for the way I treated her now that I realize she is the only one who really cares about me at all.

Make sure you tell her that, BlasDog.