Is it all in my head ?

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Hello again people from WrongPlanet! I have been what I would call exestencial crisis in a relationship. So I started dating an amazing girl, she is studying to be a psycologist, she knows whats up with me and she's totally OK with it. She's the kind of girl I always wanted to be with.

Everytime I have relationships I think I feel what the other person feels towards me.. Am I the only one? Sometimes when they are just not being kind enough (not in a bad way, I mean we don't need to be all that lovely 24/7) the thing is when that happens my head starts to think in 'repeat mode'.. 'She doesn't like me anymore, that's why she's not being kind'... And I am just 100% sure she doesn't like me anymore... Obviously I don't tell her this, but usually she ends up being kind again out of nowhere and I just feel safe again... It just seems that I know EXACTLY what people feel towards me, even though it's impossible and most of times what I feel that they feel is totally wrong... And what I also feel odd is that that's usually when I feel some apathy from myself too.. Like I just feel nothing for her but deep down I know I love her and I guess it's just my mind going in a panic state because of the fact she could break up out of nowhere, something that I don't really believe it wont happen, still my mind messes me up quite badly.

I would like to know if anyone has experencied this too, and if it's something 'normal' when we love someone.. It happens with everyone I am dating, usually in the start but sometimes it keeps going for a long time. She gives me a lot of 'safety' and I have no reasons not to trust her. I guess.. It's all my head?

I think it is all in your head, but I experience the same kind of thoughts.

This is what I think happens, at least for me, and my guess is for most people who have been picked on or have had relationships fail for unknown reasons. (And I think this is true for all relationships, friendly or romantic.)

I think I find it hard to trust people. In my past experience, I have been harshly teased or taken advantage of or "dumped" (no better word, even for friendships.) So, when I am in a new relationship with someone, I am not sure if that person is "for real." It takes a while to really trust and believe that the person is going to stick around and really like me for who I am. At the beginning, I need lots and lots of reassurance that the person really does like me and is trustworthy.

The problem is that the amount of reassurance I need is probably much higher than someone who has not had the same negative experiences, and higher than what a person can sustain giving to me. This means that at points, I will feel a diminishing of assurance. This causes me to panic because I take it as a sign that the person is ditching me. However, this is not always the case. If the person is "for real", then this diminishing of reassurance is just temporary. It could be due to the other person being busy or tired or just in a bad mood, etc.

I have to keep telling myself to be patient and not rush to conclusions that the other person no longer likes me. No one can give that kind of reassurance *all the time*. Once I feel settled and confident that the person really does like me and won't ditch me on a whim, I don't get those panicky feelings so much.

I think it is all in your head, but I experience the same kind of thoughts.

This is what I think happens, at least for me, and my guess is for most people who have been picked on or have had relationships fail for unknown reasons. (And I think this is true for all relationships, friendly or romantic.)

I think I find it hard to trust people. In my past experience, I have been harshly teased or taken advantage of or "dumped" (no better word, even for friendships.) So, when I am in a new relationship with someone, I am not sure if that person is "for real." It takes a while to really trust and believe that the person is going to stick around and really like me for who I am. At the beginning, I need lots and lots of reassurance that the person really does like me and is trustworthy.

The problem is that the amount of reassurance I need is probably much higher than someone who has not had the same negative experiences, and higher than what a person can sustain giving to me. This means that at points, I will feel a diminishing of assurance. This causes me to panic because I take it as a sign that the person is ditching me. However, this is not always the case. If the person is "for real", then this diminishing of reassurance is just temporary. It could be due to the other person being busy or tired or just in a bad mood, etc.

I have to keep telling myself to be patient and not rush to conclusions that the other person no longer likes me. No one can give that kind of reassurance *all the time*. Once I feel settled and confident that the person really does like me and won't ditch me on a whim, I don't get those panicky feelings so much.

I have also often had difficulties similar to yours. I have come to attribute most of it to just mental wobbulation, an overactive and overreactive mind. I can't really take my own thoughts at face value concerning certain things. I have to wait and use other criteria to validate it. Is it ASD? Probably, or at least ASD is a significant factor.

I'm horrible with this, I assume that I know what people are thinking, or how they are feeling - and the truth is that I have no idea... no matter how much I tell myself that what I think is right..... 99.9% of the time I am wrong, and feel like a jackass when I confront them about what I think. Is this a neurological malfunction? And does anyone else think the worst when a person doesn't react to you the way you think they should?

why are dates only happening in our head and not in real life? there must be some answer to what is being missed. unless the answer is the dreamworld is telling us we need to start back from the beginning.

From my experience, I've learned that just about everything is in my head. I'm my own harshest critic. One of my friends told me that I have created a million realities in my mind, and I'm the villain in all of them. Other people don't hate me, they may be ambivalent to me, but they don't hate me. The world, while still depressing, isn't as bad as I think it is.

it is natural to feel insecure and uncomfortable in a relationship at times. you'll find through experience a lot of insecurity is unwarranted and unjustified, and i've seen insecurity (within both genders, more males) ruin relationships. having a need for constant validation of feelings is going to derail a relationship faster than cheating. it's best to just recognize what you're feeling and ask yourself if you can justify it. something like "oh, she texted me back 2 minutes later than normal" is definitely not justifiable. but ignoring you for 2 days is. you know?

I get that a bit I think.
It takes me months to feel like the person is 'for real' about liking me. And normally just when I'm starting to fully open up and feel more secure they're beginning to change and show me signs they don't actually care. Or are trying to use mind games to manipulate me. Or maybe they felt uncared for in the first few months when I was more hesitant and are now pulling back.
In any case, for me the next few months are an awkward battle of trying to communicate and feeling unsure again then.. about 6 months in the relationships ends.

That's my pattern.
I'm trying to learn to take what people say as honest. I'm lied to a lot but at the same time I think people who say they really love you mean it at that time (sometimes) even though it changes later.

Sorry if I'm not much help. Just ruminating.