Does she like me? What should I do?
I leave alone in a house not a room/apartment.
Met a girl near my house(8 months back). She started coming to my house to hang out. This started to happen daily. She would come over and hang out for around hour and a half on a daily basis(only talking nothing physical). She started sharing too much personal stuff. It came to an extent of her asking me which dress looks good on her, grocery shopping, asking me to choose(not buy) a dress for her and many other things. I had started liking her.
Built up some courage and asked her out(messaged her). Her answer was very vague (not a definite no). The very next day she comes down and behaves as if nothing had taken place and behaves the same way as she usually does. This went on for a month or so.
One day when she dropped by for some lunch she started talking about some(general) relationship stuff. Built up some courage again and asked her what did she mean by her reply when I asked her out and clearly indicated that I am interested in her(again). This time it was a proper no.
Got a little sad. But, things did not add up (her behavior towards me and the no). I messaged her asking for some clarifications.
Her reply is that she is super comfortable with me(a little physical too like touching, acting cute/childlike around me etc.) and can talk about anything with me(she has talked about very, very intimate stuff). She is not this comfortable with anyone else. I did not find this comfortable and asked her to spend less time with me.
She did follow that for some time. But came down to the same things again. I started avoiding her in a very discreet way and have gotten it to an extent where the amount of time she spends is comfortable with me.
But, she still discusses very intimate stuff(I have stopped talking about my personal stuff).
Recently, she sent me pics of her wearing some new dresses she was trying from the dressing room!(not comfortable). We even went out for dinner on my birthday. She has cooked for me, has gotten me home cooked food, chocolates, and many other things like the above. She came down a couple of days ago and started discussing some very personal stuff. I am only enduring the above is because people have advised me that I should not be too blunt with people.
I still am interested in her. But, I do not understand what is she trying to do. Even after me specifically making it clear that If she is not interested in me, she should maintain some personal distance.
What is she doing?
Are all girls like this?
Does she like me?
Should I stop talking to her?
Is she just playing around with me?
I do not understand what flirting is. This has been a huge ordeal for me. Please advice.
TIA
Last edited by bromide on 28 Mar 2015, 10:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
We don't know her, we don't know you, and your situation is all too common -- you want to know why X is doing Y to you. The only way to find out is to ask X. Asking complete strangers on a website devoted to Autism is a waste of effort.
Please read the post in its entirety. I have already done the above.
Last edited by bromide on 28 Mar 2015, 10:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
In my opinion this is weird and tricky to understand behavior. There is no reason anyone should be overly intimate with someone they're not romantically interested in. Especially after they've been told their attentions are uncomfortable for you. It's right on the border of being nonconsensual and intolerable.
She might be a clueless person and feels too comfortable with you like she would with a gay male friend. Or she might be enjoying toying with you and feeling powerful teasing you with her femininity in such an exaggerated way.
Anyway I don't think anything good will come of this. This person clearly does not respect or understand personal boundaries.
She might be a clueless person and feels too comfortable with you like she would with a gay male friend. Or she might be enjoying toying with you and feeling powerful teasing you with her femininity in such an exaggerated way.
Anyway I don't think anything good will come of this. This person clearly does not respect or understand personal boundaries.
Thanks for the words. It does help.
I can see that you think have boiled down every situation to some pattern(which you have not).
But, please have the courtesy to read the entire post before even posting anything.
I think that what Fnord is saying is that you've asked her if she wants a romantic relationship with you and she has said no. Then that is your answer. She said no. Fnord is always very straight to the point.
Ok, so she said no, however, the confusing thing is that her actions do not seem to tie up with her words, so she is basically messing with you. I don't understand what she's up to, but sometimes people like to be around someone who boosts their self esteem and makes them feel attractive. She's sort of leeching off you which isn't very nice really.
It's difficult to let someone like this go when you have feelings for them, been there, but you get hurt. It's better to move on and find someone else to love.
Ok, so she said no, however, the confusing thing is that her actions do not seem to tie up with her words, so she is basically messing with you. I don't understand what she's up to, but sometimes people like to be around someone who boosts their self esteem and makes them feel attractive. She's sort of leeching off you which isn't very nice really.
It's difficult to let someone like this go when you have feelings for them, been there, but you get hurt. It's better to move on and find someone else to love.
Thanks for the words. Definitely does help.
It's really hard to be 100% sure of other people's intentions, because everyone has their own ways of showing interest. A lot of people with flirt with you, even though they have no intention of having a romantic relationship with you. This is usually done for attention, or to boost their self esteem.
Like other's have said, when someone's words and actions don't line up, this usually tells you that something's up with them. In your case, it sounds like she enjoy's being around you (for whatever reason), but there is something stopping her from actually having a romantic relationship with you (this could be anything).
Does she act the same way around other people (guys especially)?
Personally, I'd love to figure out why she does this and just go along with whatever she comes up with. After all, it doesn't seem like she is really a nuisance to you. Besides, why would you bother about boundaries and being too personal? These are autistic traits which tells you she is compatible with you. Maybe she is just uncomfortable with something in the relationship area? Ask her if she has a bf, or if she had one? Perhaps she already told you?
Like other's have said, when someone's words and actions don't line up, this usually tells you that something's up with them. In your case, it sounds like she enjoy's being around you (for whatever reason), but there is something stopping her from actually having a romantic relationship with you (this could be anything).
Does she act the same way around other people (guys especially)?
I agree.
I am not completely sure how she behaves with other people(there may be a chance she behaves the same way). From what she has told me, she a childhood friend with whom she is comfortable other than me.
What bothers me about the boundaries is that I am not at all comfortable with sharing to that extent unless I like the person or know them from a long, long time.
Currently she is single. And, she has made sure I know that(I have never asked her about her relationship status). She has also asked me whether I am single or not. Ya, may be she is uncomfortable with something in the relationship area. We have had several conversations(personal) she has not mentioned anything as such.
She was in a relationship before.
But you do like her. You told us that in the opening post.
You just want to know if she is seeking a relationship or not, and you want to know what to expect. Things she seems to be unwilling to let you know about right know.
Then maybe you should ask her about her previous relationship? That might give you hints about why she is playing this game with you (to me it appears like a game).